Is My Child in Recovery, or Just Taking a Break from Drinking?

Navigating new challenges—inside and outside the classroom. Understanding the difference between taking a break and real recovery starts with the right support.

Introduction

When a university-aged child cuts back on drinking or drug use, parents often feel a mix of relief and uncertainty. Are they genuinely embracing recovery, or is this just a temporary break? Understanding the difference can help you offer the right kind of support without pushing them away.

Why Some Young Adults Cut Back on Drinking

Not everyone who reduces or stops drinking is in recovery. Some students take a break for reasons like:

• Academic focus – avoiding alcohol to improve grades or prepare for exams

• Health concerns – wanting better sleep, fitness, or mental clarity

• Financial reasons – cutting back to save money

• External pressures – a relationship, job, or legal consequences forcing change

  
  

While these are all valid reasons to drink less, they don’t necessarily mean a person is in recovery. True recovery involves more than just stopping—it’s about addressing underlying behaviors, thought patterns, and making long-term changes.

Recovery Today: A Changing Definition

Traditionally, recovery was often defined by complete abstinence from substances. However, today’s approach—especially within recovery coaching—recognizes that recovery is a personal journey. Abstinence is not always a must-meet requirement. Instead, recovery focuses on:

• Improving quality of life rather than just avoiding substances

• Understanding personal triggers and patterns to make healthier choices

• Harm reduction strategies that minimize risks while supporting progress

• Setting individual goals that align with a person’s values and well-being

  
  

For some, abstinence is the right path, while for others, recovery may involve reducing harm, making mindful decisions, or working toward controlled use. The key is that recovery is self-defined, not imposed.

Signs Your Child May Be in Recovery If your child is truly committed to recovery, you may notice:

• They talk about wanting long-term change, not just a short break

• They actively seek support (therapy, recovery coaching, peer groups, etc.)

• They avoid high-risk situations where they previously used substances

• They are working on underlying emotional or mental health challenges

• They take responsibility for past behavior and focus on personal growth

Signs It May Just Be a Temporary Break

Some signs that your child may not be fully in recovery include:

• They describe it as "just a break" or "a reset" with no long-term commitment

• They still spend time in drinking environments but just "drink less"

• There’s no real internal motivation—they are stopping for external reasons (school, money, relationships)

• They express frustration about missing out on drinking rather than relief from stopping

  
  

How to Support Them Either Way

Whether your child is taking a temporary break or moving toward lasting recovery, your support matters. Here’s how you can help:

1. Ask Open-Ended Questions Instead of assuming, ask questions like:

   
   

   • "What’s been the biggest change for you since cutting back?"

   • "How are you feeling about this decision?"

   • "What do you see for yourself long-term?"

     
     

2. Support Their Choices Without Pressure If they’re in early recovery, they may need encouragement to stay on track. If they’re just taking a break, pushing too hard may make them defensive.

   
   

3. Encourage Healthy Coping Strategies Suggest activities that reinforce well-being—exercise, creative outlets, volunteering, or mindfulness.

   
   

4. Be a Safe, Non-Judgmental Presence Let them know you’re available for honest conversations without fear of punishment or shame.

   
   
   
   

How to Support Them Today?

Need help navigating this conversation with your child? Contact me for a free consultation.